Through the autumn season I incorporated The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz in many of my yoga classes. This book is a short and simple, yet profound read that can be re-read multiple times in your life. Each time you come back, there is an opportunity to see and absorb with new eyes and a fresh perspective of how you can utilize these principles to lead the life you want - experiencing freedom, true happiness and love.
Be impeccable with your word
We speak in spells.. that’s why it’s called spelling. Are you casting good or bad spells upon yourself and others? Are you honest with yourself and others? I mean truly honest, when it feels uncomfortable or difficult to speak your truth, when you think it could change your relationship with someone. When transparency is required, not leaving aspects out so “technically it’s not a lie”.. that’s what being impeccable with your word means.
I heard many years ago to ask 3 questions before speaking, especially when you feel emotional.. (If you know the author I’ve heard this from please relay.)
1) Is it kind? 2) Is it necessary? 3) Is it true?
They said it should be all three and most of the time I believe that’s true. Sometimes, sometimes.. I believe it can be two, but it MUST be true.
Don’t take anything personally
Nothing others do is because of you. Everyone is experiencing their lives through their own lense. I find this concept to be much easier with people I do not know. While I’m driving and get cut off, or there’s a slow poke in front of me, I can easily wave my hand and be unbothered. Now, this did take some time to come to fruition. When I was younger I had some “road rage”, but when you realize everyone is in their own bubble, dealing with their own lives and issues it’s easier to let things go. Resource the maybe concept.. Maybe they are on their way to the hospital to see a dying loved one. Maybe their couldn’t pick up their dog poo because their have intense back pain. People can only meet you as far as they’ve come themselves. Maybe they don’t offer love and compassion to all parts of themselves. As someone who worked in strip clubs for 10+years, I’ve had wilddd things said to me from strangers, in and out of the club. Being talked down to or straight up insulted because they needed to project unresolved issues onto me was something I became accustomed to and let roll off my shoulder. Passing people see a glimpse of you and think they know you. Only you can truly know who you are.
It can feel more difficult to not take things personally when you are bonded or attached to a loved one. Play with the maybe concept here as well. Maybe they didn't mean to hurt or offend you. Even if they did, you can choose not to take it personally. We each have our own paths and lessons in this life. Maybe this is an opportunity to learn about yourself, others, or how to communicate more clearly.
Don’t make assumptions
There’s that saying, “When you assume, you make an ass out of me and you”. We also often should all over ourselves and one another. “They should know.” Clear communication is the key factor in any sort of relationship. Do not assume people can read your mind and know what to do, how to act, or show up for you. Let them know, give them the opportunity to hear what you need and want without expecting them to have the knowledge without it being spoken out loud. Don’t assume you know why someone acted in a certain way.. ask, then listen and respond.
Always do your best
Your best doesn’t mean perfection. It means your best at that moment in time. Your best will differ day by day and by your current capacity. We only know once we know. We are here as humans to experience, learn, and hopefully grow. You will make many more mistakes in your lifetime, but ideally you will meet yourself and others with the experiences you’ve lived through and lessons learned in a way that is supportive to how you want to show up.. your best and Highest self.
At Serasana, one of the studios I teach at, I held a raffle to win a copy of The Four Agreements. Over 30 dedicated students that heard and pondered the agreements entered.
Our winner, Jane Clausen